Kouda Mainframe

Dear diary, fuck you.

God! Its such a pain the ass to see the result slip. Its like watching my fukin efforts bein ripped apart, smashed, torn, slit, slashed, bashed, burned, serrated, ground, sliced, diced, thrown, kicked, mauled, and bombarded with every form of physical and mental pain that exists in this god-forsaken world.

For the love of Lucifer, I wish i could just go to the nearest department store, buy a mace, mallet, hammer, whatever it is that I could use to just pound the shit out of all those who piss me off. And in this case, the damned lecturers.

And okay, i want to smacked the crap out of me for actually putting all my efforts and even considering that there is the slightest possibility that i could achieve sumthin other than ABSOLUTE FAILURE!!! You see people, I AM considerate. I blame not only the bastards around me. I also blame my EFFIN SELF. Happy? I know I’m a compilation of all the negative things in this sphere of dirt and liquid we call Earth. I accept it. I acknowledge it. I live with it.

But u know, it hurts like cancer when you take a look at that result slip and see just that; SLIP. As in all your positive emotions sliding down the drain. Slipping into the mouth of Hell, disintegrating into ashes.

Look, if i wanted to see my results drop slowly, painfully slowly to the point where I’d probably get kicked out of uitm, I would just spend my waking moments playing the PSP, workin on my game, watchin anime, drawing and shit. But instead, I restrained myself. Limit myself. I play, but I work. I held back all those desires of momentary pleasure and aimed for the satisfaction of achieving higher grades. But now? I see that what i gained is nothing more that what i would have, EVEN if I laid in bed, hands gripping the PSP, or my mind scraping for false creativity to put on paper, or straining my eyes with countless entertaining animation.

Listen people, seeing the curve of your achievements for a downward line is one thing. But witnessing it doing so even after u BUSTED your skinny ass for days on end is a whole new game. I know i didn’t study like 24/7 or gave up sleep just to memorize a few fuggin lines in my notes. But I did what i could. I tried the limits of my miniscule lump of brain cells. I consumed all my caffeine and coke that i possessed. Emptied my fridge of any form of physical and mental stimulation. And I’m not even talkin bout porno here. Just so that i could boost whatever capabilities I had in order to achieve an almost invisible amount of increment in my grades. And instead? I get a decrease in CGPA. Well done karma, you’ve proven yourself true.

God mocks my efforts.

Yay! Entry number 13!!! Fav number! Truth be told, i gots nuthin to write down. Lol. So, guess I’ll just blabber bout my game project: Exorsus~!

Yeah, I’ve been ignoring this damn project for like…months. I feel so dirty…

Exorsus, a game I’m makin using the RMXP program. Its been more than 2 years since I started on this little hobby. But, alas, not a single demo has been released. There’s a completely good reason for that. But, I don’t wanna reveal what that is just yet. Lol.

Y’know what, before I can actually blabber on about this little crap (like i’ve been doin for the past 2 years non-stop), I guess I should prepare some of the necessary graphics. And plan out on how I’m going to present it.

So~, I’ll leave things here for a while i go work on the presentation~. Gives me sumthin to do durin the holidays. Lawl~!!!!

Laterz chumps!

Restoration by Elimination, in other words; FORMAT! Okay, people, another pointless rant by yours truly.

I just formatted my computer, and whoever said it was a good idea should just go and burn in hell. If things went smoothly, I wouldn’t mind. But, considering my karma, luck, and all that crap, shit and junk, I’m surprised I didn’t see this one coming. You see, as it turns out, my laptop; Dell, inspiron 630, is having a bang up time at making my life miserable. Y? Not only is the fuckin restoration cd’s are givin me a pain, I just found out that my laptop’s model IS NOT LISTED IN THE GODDAMN CD!

And guess what? I looked into DELL.com, and more good news; It’s not listed there either. Oh, life, how it must be very amusing for you to smack me to the ground so profusely.

90% of why I’m typing this blog, is because I’m trying to kill time waiting for the friggin updates, and downloads to complete. And I got class in 10 minutes. Yay~. That was sarcasm, btw. Now, why the frikk is it that life finds it so fun to grind me to pieces every so often? I just recovered from the whole "effort down the drain" thing, and now this? Call me a pussy, but a guy has his limits.

Come on, my laptop is my source of entertainment, a method of me attempting at being "creative", a mode of sucking up at presentations (which never bore fruit) and a way to prevent me from chuckin rocks at lecturers. God, y do you hate me so much? I know I’m no obedient little saint, but still. It’s not like i robbed a bank. It’s not like I killed anyone…literally. I know I don’t deserve anything good in life, but I there should be a limit to how much crap can happen to me, y’know.

So, yeah, now my laptop is devoid of video and audio drivers. Which means no vids and mp3s. The screen resolution is all fucked up and blurry. And I can’t seem to locate the drivers i need in the net. A whole bucket load of fun people. You guys should try it. It’ll drive ya up the wall and then some.

Call me a few fries short of a happy meal, but I didn’t steer towards being somewhat of a cynic for no reason, people. That silver lining better show up quick, or else I’m gonna end up with a burnt fuse up in my rotting gray matter.

Hey people~! What’s better than getting a friggin ulcer? Having a huge gaping hole in/on your tongue is a start. And frikkin torn gums is a huge and significantly colorful add-on to anyone’s week. Eh?

It all started when I was born. God made me stupid. The end.

What? Details? Fine; God made me stupid AND a clutz. There. Happey~?

Oh, all rite. Might as well give your trip here an effin point, eh? Here’s the deal, In one friggin day, i managed to give my self THREE, count that, THREE ulcers at the same time. And on THREE different organs at that. Albeit, all in the same location. That is to say, the machine which i use to utter pointless crap.
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..
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I’m talkin bout my mouth, einstein.

As a science student, I’ll try to put my day of pain into perspective:

—————————————————————————————————–
EXP NO:
- 1987

EXP TITLE:
- The Effects of Pain on a Brain-dead Dumbass

OBJECTIVE:
- To prove the compatibility between Pain and IQ-deprived subjects.

INTRODUCTION:
- Idiot + Pain = Fun for the family ( minus the idiot)

PROCEDURE:
1> An idiot by the name Kyoru (real name undisclosed to preserve what’s left of its dignity) was selected for the experiment.
2> The dufus was then injected with a lifetime supply of stupid.
3> Involuntary reaction was induced on the dumbass to trigger it to bite its tounge.
4> Pain was recorded.
5> The witless bastard was then tought to put pens in its mouth.
6> The pen was "unwittingly" used to SCRAPE the brain-dead’s gums (upper side)
7> Pain was recorded.
8> As ordered by the Big Dude, aka, G.O.D, the oblivious specimen was induced with an ulcer on its lower lip. For fun, as assumed.
9> Pain was recorded.

RESULTS:
- No bleeding occured (bum…)
- Pain lasted for one week, minimum
- Progress of the stunted specimen is still in check.

CONCLUSION:
- Pain is confirmed to be very compatible with the selected incompetent as it tends to occur on a frequent (and highly magnified) basis.
—————————————————————————————————-

Okay, my one week of freedom, peace, quite, serenity, and recollection (what?) is finally coming to an end. Tomorrow, I’ll be on a one way trip to shah alam. Goodbye sanity. Farewell humanity. Later common sense.

Uh, yeah, well, obvoiusly going back to uitm isn’t really the highlight of my (and just about everyone else’s) day. But, shikatanai, life’s unfair. And if i don’t get my diploma, i might as well drop dead and book myself an express ticket to that place of eternal scorching summer. And I’m not talkin bout the bahamas either.

Okay, good news? … … … … <brain hang…>

Oh, something magical happened a few days back. My mobile phone decided to take an oath of silence~. In layman’s terms; I dropped it and now it won’t make a sound. Haha. No worries people, now my phone’s all fixed (rm40) and got itself a brand new, clean, sleak white housing (rm18 + rm15). Meh, the old housing had a seemingly visible crack on the screen. And by seemingly, I mean "obviously-you-can’t-help-but-noticing-that-there-is-a-foot-long-crack". And me being the cheapskate that i am, won’t suck my wallet dry to fix just about anything. So, cheap imitations will do~. kaka.

So, yeah, heading to uitm tomorrow. By van instead of Asia Waters (Air Asia). At least I wouldn’t have to cram my junk into one bulky luggage this time around. Haha. Owh~ and living in an apartment now~. Of course, since uitm’s lack of common sense resulted in an overload of (male) students. And this while having only one (count that; ONE~) college for guys. O mai, looks like the whole of uitm’s gotta retake their math classes, eh?

Ah~ Next sem’s gonna be filled with labs…5 days a week…one lab report per weekday…that’s 5 days less sleep…which makes it 5 times the coffee consumption in this semester…which will probably effect my health 5 times more…and my eye-bags would probably grow 5 times more baggier… (this message has been brought to you by the letter 5~ five~ FIVE~ F.I.V.E~)

So, look forward to more adventures of ranting Kyo. This time, five times the rants, five times the fun! Ya hear me frenster? Ya betta clear up sum space, cuz Im a gonna fill ya up with so much pointless crap, the whole world’s gonna start hatin uitm. Munyahahaha~! Let the rant-a-thon begin!! To the Kyo-mobile~! <insert lame theme song here>…

The world is a fucked up place. Yeah, it is, people. Y, u ask? Well, let’s see, they say if you try hard enough, you’ll get what you deserve. O rly? So, explain to me why after bustin my skinny ass studying biochem, I ended up with a fuckin C+.

I studied. I know I didn’t study as much as those brainy bastards that got DL or shit. But, still, I studied. And if I wanted to get a fuckin C+, i would’ve spent my semester frolickin in McD or sumthin. C’mon la. It just ain’t fair. I mean, I knew I was gonna get a "slightly higher than a passing grade", but still. WTF kind of messed up idiot gets a god forsaken C+ after suckin his brain dry sittin in front of the friggin BCM notes!?

And what kind of brain-dead stupefied psycho is so goddamn "skema" as to NOT accept an answer that doesn’t match the answer scheme!? I’m not saying that’s the reason y I got so a disgrace of a grade. But, it’s been goin around on the inside of my miniature cranial cavity. And it seems the only reason as to why my results turned out that way.

WHY!? Why is it that every last drop of effort that I place into these things seem to just go down the drain? At rapid succession at that. I just don’t get it. Someone PLEASE clear this up for me. I hate doing something that seems so goddamn useless. I mean, workin on my game-project seems to have more of a sense than studying for a C+ (which I would probably get even by JUST working on the game project and not studying at all). Dude, C+ is a grade you get by just ATTENDING class. Explain~!! Explain~!!! CANNOT GODDAMN COMPUTE!!

Y’know what, this makes me feel like spending all my cash to buy that psp camera I’ve been craving for a while. Just to make me feel better. Y’know, to feel a sense of accomplishment in my pathetic life. SInce, y’know, I ain’t gettin any by wasting my precious time in front of the text books and notes. I wudn’t even mind starving to death…haih…I am SO pathetic bah…

14.06.2007:

The results for the april finals have been released. But, typically, uitm’s server can’t be accessed. Y? Because its server can’t withstand more than 3 guests at a time. And this is the same institute that wants to recruit MORE than the usual number of students. Know your limits la weh…no offense, but it’s getting on a lotta people’s nerves.

Attempting to access the uitm site again. Although I just know it’s gonna be in vain. At this rate, I think I’ll be able to check my results by next week, at best. And, y’know, considering MY luck…

What I don’t get is this; our CGPA has been released, and placed in the college application forms. "Meaning" that our results were calculated long ago (how long, I can’t say). Yea well, if they had the time to key-in our CGPA into the colleges (which we AREN’T getting), ya think they’d be able to post them on the net a teensy bit sooner. C’mon, 6pm is a bit steep.

If you set the results’ release date on 14th June, it’d be prudent to release it somewhere near 1pm. If you’re gonna post it at 6pm, might as well set the date as 15th June instead. That way, 6pm on the 14th would be consider extra early. Time is an illussion, people. Use it.

What? You can’t blame me for complaining. DO you have ANY idea how much of a pain it is to have such pent up anxiety for an extended amount of time? I doubt God invented "stress" so that you people could use it to kill us slowly. Especially for failure-prone-braindead-imbeciles like me. Look, I know I’m gonna fail. I say that enough times for it to be made an official prayer already. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have this tiny slither of hope that tends to gnaw at the very fabrics of my core. …emo much.

Honestly people, it hurts. You fail so many times that you end up being cynical about every single fragment of effort you exert. And everytime you EXTEND our waiting time, our idiotic souls get the bright idea of spawning these microscopic knives called "hope". Y’know, the kind that’ll always slowly shred your confidence at the end. Look, I already have shrapnels of scorching failures lodged in the back of my skull. ANd I DON’T need any more searing pieces of crap thrusted into my cranium.

Where’d ya think I came up with "Why bother studying when you know you’re gonna fail"? Which of course, resulted in my failing my chemistry 138 paper. Hence, me doing this fuckin intersession / short semester.

And in my second semester, my weightless brain matter decides to pop up a new philosophy on life; "Just because I gave up trying, doesn’t mean I’ve given up completely".

THAT, my friends resulted in my numerous breakdowns. Y? Well, I stuck with that ideology throughout my BCM201. And each and every last failure it brought me felt like a swallowing a heavy lump of lead. Which in turn causes that beating slab of meat in my chest to feel an excess gravitational pull as well. Trust me people, not a very nice feeling to harbor…It’s amazing why I still haven’t quit microbiology.

Okay, this post is dedicated to my Chemistry class I had a few minutes ago:

Question 1 (C):
A mixture containing comparible quantities of a weak acid and its conjugate base is called a ________?

The answer? Conjugate Pairs. What der friggin hell!? How can a MIXTURE be a friggin conjugate pair!?

Acid and its conjugate base, correct.
Base and its conjugate acid, correct.
A MIXTURE of the damn thing IS NOT a fuckin conjugate pair!!!

And when I asked my lecturer what the question meant (cuz, y’know, I’m being humble bout my english and all), and all she did was re-read the damn question and said sumthin along the lines of "senang jer" or whatever. I asked my classmates and all THEY did was ask ME about the other questions without asnwering mine.

What der hell!? So all I get was the strain of explaining things to others without getting an answer for MY question. Oh yeah, do good deeds and you’ll get what you deserve; a stab in the back.

And thanx to that, my brain pretty much shut down and I couldn’t really focus on what the lecturer was saying. Limiting reactants or whatever. What pisses me of isn’t the fact that I got it wrong. It’s the fact that I ASKED the lecturer and she DIDN’T friggin explain.

I’m sorry lah, my english bukan la power sangat. But I fuckin hate it when lecturers give questions that are just plain grammatically confusing and I end up paying for it JUST because I couldn’t get around the bad english. I’m sorry if my brain was made with the tendency to twist my thoughts and make me think differently about the question. But that’s exactly WHY I ASKED DAMMIT!!!!!!!! And a fuckin’ "senang jer" or whatever DOES NOT QUALIFY AS AN ANSWER!!!!

It’s not a big deal, you may say. It’s my marks god dammit! It’s going into my GPA. It’s the thing that differs me from failing AGAIN or just barely passing this friggin subject!!

Y’know what, screw this. I got better things to do than think about sumthin that the lecturer screwed up (as usual). I don’t have anything against lecturers, but I just hate it when their english gets in the way of my grades. Again, I didn’t actually score 100%  on my O, A-levels or muet (i haven’t taken my muet yet. kaka). But still, even a half-retarded ass (as in the donkey-thing) would notice a grammatically confusing question when he sees one.

Haih…I’m so getting high blood pressure when I’m done with this course…

There are a few things in the world which I don’t get; Why humans are so goddamn varied in terms of personality, Why people are so weird, Why people can be so stupid at times (that includes me, mind you), and Why Uitm can be so friggin incomprehensible~!

Okay, first, before I get dismissed should any of the lecturers stumble upon this rant session of mine (y’never know…people are weird, remember?), I am greatful for the fact that I was recruited, enrolled, eccepted into uitm. For that fact, I was able to meet lotsa great people and an exceptionally wonderful friend. I’m grateful that me being accepted as a MIcrobiology student made my parents happy ( i think…) even though I failed chemistry and will probably fail the rest of the cehm-related stuff. I’m grateful for the fact that they have wireless, free, unlimited internet access here in uitm shah alam and that I can leech of them anytime I want. Keke. But~!…(rant mode on)…

I just don’t get why uitm can have such unreasonable (and sometimes even stupid) aspirations. For instance, the one they’re having right now is aiming to attain the highest possible number of intakes (at once or sumthin…). I mean, yea, sure, you’re giving lotsa people lotsa hope and opportunity. BUT, d’ya think that this place can accomodate such an unbelievably HUGE number of students at once!? For godsakes, you only have ONE college for guys in the campus. The rest are kicked out like chopped liver, kidney, lungs and whatever bodyparts you can think of.

Sure, you’re giving hope to lotsa kids, but you’re also giving lotsa other kids a buttload of problems here!

Not everyone can find a place to rent (although Im’ hoping I can). And even if they do, they’ll have to get cars and stuff to travel to uitm (mind you, busses aren’t all that convenient when a huge pile of bookworms are trying to get into the campus all at once). And do you think uitm has ample parking spots for all them Non-Residents to plant their asses?

And let me guess, they’ll be making classes till MIDNIGHT just so that they can cram in every single subject in one week. I don’t know bout you, but this whole "highest number of student intake" is useless bullshit to me.

Again, I’m grateful for a lotta stuff uitm gave me. BUT!!! If you just use the budget you get from them higher ups to make more colleges for students to stay in INSTEAD of wasting it all to SUCK UP to the big guys, I think we’d all be a whole lotta happier. And a whole less crankier. Dude, how much money did they waste making "pretty" corridors, flashy pathways, shiny floors, sparkly poles and god knows how many glass rooms. Geez! If you spent 10% of that to improve the student accomodation section, I think we’d have more than just ONE college for guys in the campus area.

Speaking of college; what the fuck is with the idea of making us collect coupons if you’re just gonna kick us out anyway!? We busted our asses gathering those tiny shreds of paper, sacrificed our precious time going to pointless college gatherings when we could be studying (sleeping, resting or whatever). And in the end; Dukacita dimaklumkan permohonan anda tidak berjaya. BULLSHIT! And how do we secure a spot in the college? By joining co-curricular activities that completely robs us of our time and freedom. Oh, stuff like being Commander Kesatria, Palapes, PBSM, JPK, MPP and junk. Which, if we were to join, we wouldn’t be able to spend much time IN the college itself. Besides, the only college for the co-co people kinda suck. Been there, seen that, me no likey. Thank you.

Can someone PLLLEEEAAAZZZZEEE slap some sense into them uitm people!?!?

Oh yea, I think I have an idea on why they’re thinking of the whole "highest number of student intakes" shit. It’s because they wanna aim for "Paling banyak bilangan graduan" crap. Shit for crap. They don’t really care if them graduates had to take a million short-sems or even pay their way through. Yea. Go uitm~. Go straight to hell~!. (after I graduate la. MUNYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!).

This message has been brought to you by the president of the Angry Students Society (ASS).

Ok, I am SO goddamn bored!!!! Wanna know why? It’s because I’m stuck in uitm doing nothing when I’m SUPPOSED to be having classes. Ok, backtrack, I’ll give the highlights:

- I was born stupid so I had to repeat chemistry.
- I was born stupid so I had to take a short-semester
- I was born
- I’m stupid

Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of things. Anyway~! Yeah, it’s been a week since the whole short-sem thing started. Shikashi!!! Apparently, my lecturer keeps cancelling classes for the past week. And where does that leave me (and the other chem-failures-i.e: students)? We were left with our mouths open, regretting the fact that we woke up at the crack of dawn. Wait, scratch that, BEFORE the crack of dawn just to get to class early. Not only did we find that the class havent even been UNLOCKED YET, class was never even gonna start!!! Bankaiii~!!!!! Dude, I can tolerate a day or two of class-cancellations. But, A WHOLE WEEK!?!? A week when I could be AT HOME, enjoying the luxuries that this place will NEVER be able to comprehend.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that I even have a room to stay in during the short-sem. But, it’s friggin hot…and off-campus…sort of. Cafe isn’t open, so i have to WALK~ all the way to the nearest food court (not that far…but still…I’d drop dead before getting a bite to eat) which isn’t really hygienic. Which forces me to get a take out and double-take to my room. WHICH by then, I’d probably keel over and croak. Why? Gastric juice burning the linings of my gut…if I’m lucky.

People~!! If you’re NOT gonna make any classes for the whole week, at least INFORM us BEFORE we get to class. Y’know what, inform us BEFORE we even set foot out of our homes. That way, NONE of us would have to suffer staying at a boring and pretty much uninhabitable college. At least the lecturer has his/her home to go back to. And he/she already has food supply. Unlike us lowly beings who have to budget our asses off just to get our meals. Look, I’m not blaming anyone, but if I end up as a piece of stick (more than I already am) by the end of the short sem, I would SO be provoked to sue. Or, I could just ram a thick chemistry text book down their throats and see how they like it.

Positive side? Uh, free internet… … … … … …that’s it…whatever…