Kouda Mainframe

Damn….all these lab reports are starting to wear me down. Need to
hand one for Microbio lab tommorow, Biochemistry the next day, and
Physical Chemistry on the day after that. Rinse and repeat for every
week. Geez, this is seriously takin some major time from my game
project. But meh, I gotta suck up to them lecturers if I ever want to
get good grades for my finals. Kekeke.

I friggin got a 8.5/10 for my first Micro lab report. Geez!! Need to
up my game! I WILL get a full grade for the next report!! Hooha!!
Sleep!? Who needs it!!?!? Food is for the weak!! MUHAHAHAHA!! (uh…my
sanity just dropped 10 levels…). Yea, wel. I kinda got my self a new
motto for that; "I’ve given up hoping for the best. But, that doesn’t
mean I’m givin up completely." Ahahaha. At least it’s better than last
sem’s "What’s the point of studying if you know you’re gonna fail!?"
heh (Which ended up in my failing my chem. Deng…).

Ah~! My project’s been makin some good progress these past few weeks.
Added a few battlers and updated the maps every here and there. Still
got more to do though. Meh… just gotta hang in there. Must not fail
my title as a "perfectionist". I’m just gonna be a whore and advertise
about my project thread again. K? Here’s the link~
http://www.rmxp.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1709

What am I?
I am a sin.
A fading light,
A broken wing,
A shattered heart.

I was born,
A soul, slipped from the sky,
My wings rotting,
The gods cursing,
I clutched Hope in my hands.
But Hope is a lie,
Existing only to give drive,
To regret,
To cry.

I ask, What is light?
But a distraction from darkness.
Seek it, you grow blind.
Embrace it, you will burn.

I ask, What is darkness?
A wall for me to hide.
To feel protected,
To escape this false reality.

My hands yearn,
But my arms grow weak.
My Soul aches,
But the lies won’t stop.
My heart cries,
But my wings are no more.

Someone,
Please,
Who am I?

Okay, first entry. Yesterday was shitty. After gettin back in the room, I got all emo and junk. What happened? Meh, I’ll ust give a brief overview of the shyte that I had to go thru;

- da day started with me forgetting to bring azi (a gud fren o mine)’s lab report cover. It’s a good thing that our Organic Chemistry lab lecturer was understanding. Managed to hand in the report  without anymore complications.

- Next on the menu? Da one day I decided to go to BEL class late, da lecturer decides to actually show up. Frick! It’s a good thing I was able to swiftly handle her sarcasms. Yea, well, I got a few saracasms under my sleeves too. What? These sleeves aren’t just to cover up my skinny arms, y’know.

- What else… Ah, our (me n my frens’) plans to go to da mall got friggin messed up! Shakir ("mr. reliable") up n left us without a word. So, we thought he changed his mind about going. I on da other hand, couldn’t make up MY mind on wether to go or not. So, wen azi asked, I blurted out a "no". Smooth~. Yea, wel, we "went our separate ways" after that.

Conveniently, Shakir msged askin me if da mall thing’s still on. So, I mustered up what little stamina i was born with to chase down azi (y’know, to tell her that Shakir still wants to go…sort of). And wel, azi sed dat she didn’t mind, and dat i don’t have to go with her to the mall if I don’t want to.

OH SNAP! Mental conflict! Should I insist to follow her and be a "gentleman", or will that just annoy her since she already sed dat she didn’t mind? Yea, wel, einstein here is introvert, so i just let be and went back to my room (with a huge black cloud of guilt hanging on my head. Which lasted till the late hours in the night.)

Meh…ended up writing another poem…I’m pathetic…>_>

Ah…take note that my being miserable is an extremely rare occurance. So, I tend to savour them moments as much as I can. Heh. I’m such a Sadistic Psycho Bitch.

Do you seek me?
My hands reach as yours do.
Do you need me?
My Soul is burning for trust.

"You are my solace",
Is it true?
The lies I’ve heard cloud my eyes,
The guilt I carry shrouds my heart.

I am without choice,
As I was, as I am,
A wandering Soul.
And then, you came to me.

You lent me your wings,
You shared me your warmth,
And as I smiled at your light,
A rain of tears left my eyes.

My soul questions me,
Asking for reality,
And I said "no".
If this is a dream,
Then I wish only to sleep.

For now, let my soul doubt,
For none of it matters,
Until our bond answers it.