Kouda Mainframe

The world is a fucked up place. Yeah, it is, people. Y, u ask? Well, let’s see, they say if you try hard enough, you’ll get what you deserve. O rly? So, explain to me why after bustin my skinny ass studying biochem, I ended up with a fuckin C+.

I studied. I know I didn’t study as much as those brainy bastards that got DL or shit. But, still, I studied. And if I wanted to get a fuckin C+, i would’ve spent my semester frolickin in McD or sumthin. C’mon la. It just ain’t fair. I mean, I knew I was gonna get a "slightly higher than a passing grade", but still. WTF kind of messed up idiot gets a god forsaken C+ after suckin his brain dry sittin in front of the friggin BCM notes!?

And what kind of brain-dead stupefied psycho is so goddamn "skema" as to NOT accept an answer that doesn’t match the answer scheme!? I’m not saying that’s the reason y I got so a disgrace of a grade. But, it’s been goin around on the inside of my miniature cranial cavity. And it seems the only reason as to why my results turned out that way.

WHY!? Why is it that every last drop of effort that I place into these things seem to just go down the drain? At rapid succession at that. I just don’t get it. Someone PLEASE clear this up for me. I hate doing something that seems so goddamn useless. I mean, workin on my game-project seems to have more of a sense than studying for a C+ (which I would probably get even by JUST working on the game project and not studying at all). Dude, C+ is a grade you get by just ATTENDING class. Explain~!! Explain~!!! CANNOT GODDAMN COMPUTE!!

Y’know what, this makes me feel like spending all my cash to buy that psp camera I’ve been craving for a while. Just to make me feel better. Y’know, to feel a sense of accomplishment in my pathetic life. SInce, y’know, I ain’t gettin any by wasting my precious time in front of the text books and notes. I wudn’t even mind starving to death…haih…I am SO pathetic bah…

14.06.2007:

The results for the april finals have been released. But, typically, uitm’s server can’t be accessed. Y? Because its server can’t withstand more than 3 guests at a time. And this is the same institute that wants to recruit MORE than the usual number of students. Know your limits la weh…no offense, but it’s getting on a lotta people’s nerves.

Attempting to access the uitm site again. Although I just know it’s gonna be in vain. At this rate, I think I’ll be able to check my results by next week, at best. And, y’know, considering MY luck…

What I don’t get is this; our CGPA has been released, and placed in the college application forms. "Meaning" that our results were calculated long ago (how long, I can’t say). Yea well, if they had the time to key-in our CGPA into the colleges (which we AREN’T getting), ya think they’d be able to post them on the net a teensy bit sooner. C’mon, 6pm is a bit steep.

If you set the results’ release date on 14th June, it’d be prudent to release it somewhere near 1pm. If you’re gonna post it at 6pm, might as well set the date as 15th June instead. That way, 6pm on the 14th would be consider extra early. Time is an illussion, people. Use it.

What? You can’t blame me for complaining. DO you have ANY idea how much of a pain it is to have such pent up anxiety for an extended amount of time? I doubt God invented "stress" so that you people could use it to kill us slowly. Especially for failure-prone-braindead-imbeciles like me. Look, I know I’m gonna fail. I say that enough times for it to be made an official prayer already. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have this tiny slither of hope that tends to gnaw at the very fabrics of my core. …emo much.

Honestly people, it hurts. You fail so many times that you end up being cynical about every single fragment of effort you exert. And everytime you EXTEND our waiting time, our idiotic souls get the bright idea of spawning these microscopic knives called "hope". Y’know, the kind that’ll always slowly shred your confidence at the end. Look, I already have shrapnels of scorching failures lodged in the back of my skull. ANd I DON’T need any more searing pieces of crap thrusted into my cranium.

Where’d ya think I came up with "Why bother studying when you know you’re gonna fail"? Which of course, resulted in my failing my chemistry 138 paper. Hence, me doing this fuckin intersession / short semester.

And in my second semester, my weightless brain matter decides to pop up a new philosophy on life; "Just because I gave up trying, doesn’t mean I’ve given up completely".

THAT, my friends resulted in my numerous breakdowns. Y? Well, I stuck with that ideology throughout my BCM201. And each and every last failure it brought me felt like a swallowing a heavy lump of lead. Which in turn causes that beating slab of meat in my chest to feel an excess gravitational pull as well. Trust me people, not a very nice feeling to harbor…It’s amazing why I still haven’t quit microbiology.

Okay, this post is dedicated to my Chemistry class I had a few minutes ago:

Question 1 (C):
A mixture containing comparible quantities of a weak acid and its conjugate base is called a ________?

The answer? Conjugate Pairs. What der friggin hell!? How can a MIXTURE be a friggin conjugate pair!?

Acid and its conjugate base, correct.
Base and its conjugate acid, correct.
A MIXTURE of the damn thing IS NOT a fuckin conjugate pair!!!

And when I asked my lecturer what the question meant (cuz, y’know, I’m being humble bout my english and all), and all she did was re-read the damn question and said sumthin along the lines of "senang jer" or whatever. I asked my classmates and all THEY did was ask ME about the other questions without asnwering mine.

What der hell!? So all I get was the strain of explaining things to others without getting an answer for MY question. Oh yeah, do good deeds and you’ll get what you deserve; a stab in the back.

And thanx to that, my brain pretty much shut down and I couldn’t really focus on what the lecturer was saying. Limiting reactants or whatever. What pisses me of isn’t the fact that I got it wrong. It’s the fact that I ASKED the lecturer and she DIDN’T friggin explain.

I’m sorry lah, my english bukan la power sangat. But I fuckin hate it when lecturers give questions that are just plain grammatically confusing and I end up paying for it JUST because I couldn’t get around the bad english. I’m sorry if my brain was made with the tendency to twist my thoughts and make me think differently about the question. But that’s exactly WHY I ASKED DAMMIT!!!!!!!! And a fuckin’ "senang jer" or whatever DOES NOT QUALIFY AS AN ANSWER!!!!

It’s not a big deal, you may say. It’s my marks god dammit! It’s going into my GPA. It’s the thing that differs me from failing AGAIN or just barely passing this friggin subject!!

Y’know what, screw this. I got better things to do than think about sumthin that the lecturer screwed up (as usual). I don’t have anything against lecturers, but I just hate it when their english gets in the way of my grades. Again, I didn’t actually score 100%  on my O, A-levels or muet (i haven’t taken my muet yet. kaka). But still, even a half-retarded ass (as in the donkey-thing) would notice a grammatically confusing question when he sees one.

Haih…I’m so getting high blood pressure when I’m done with this course…