Kouda Mainframe

14.06.2007:

The results for the april finals have been released. But, typically, uitm’s server can’t be accessed. Y? Because its server can’t withstand more than 3 guests at a time. And this is the same institute that wants to recruit MORE than the usual number of students. Know your limits la weh…no offense, but it’s getting on a lotta people’s nerves.

Attempting to access the uitm site again. Although I just know it’s gonna be in vain. At this rate, I think I’ll be able to check my results by next week, at best. And, y’know, considering MY luck…

What I don’t get is this; our CGPA has been released, and placed in the college application forms. "Meaning" that our results were calculated long ago (how long, I can’t say). Yea well, if they had the time to key-in our CGPA into the colleges (which we AREN’T getting), ya think they’d be able to post them on the net a teensy bit sooner. C’mon, 6pm is a bit steep.

If you set the results’ release date on 14th June, it’d be prudent to release it somewhere near 1pm. If you’re gonna post it at 6pm, might as well set the date as 15th June instead. That way, 6pm on the 14th would be consider extra early. Time is an illussion, people. Use it.

What? You can’t blame me for complaining. DO you have ANY idea how much of a pain it is to have such pent up anxiety for an extended amount of time? I doubt God invented "stress" so that you people could use it to kill us slowly. Especially for failure-prone-braindead-imbeciles like me. Look, I know I’m gonna fail. I say that enough times for it to be made an official prayer already. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have this tiny slither of hope that tends to gnaw at the very fabrics of my core. …emo much.

Honestly people, it hurts. You fail so many times that you end up being cynical about every single fragment of effort you exert. And everytime you EXTEND our waiting time, our idiotic souls get the bright idea of spawning these microscopic knives called "hope". Y’know, the kind that’ll always slowly shred your confidence at the end. Look, I already have shrapnels of scorching failures lodged in the back of my skull. ANd I DON’T need any more searing pieces of crap thrusted into my cranium.

Where’d ya think I came up with "Why bother studying when you know you’re gonna fail"? Which of course, resulted in my failing my chemistry 138 paper. Hence, me doing this fuckin intersession / short semester.

And in my second semester, my weightless brain matter decides to pop up a new philosophy on life; "Just because I gave up trying, doesn’t mean I’ve given up completely".

THAT, my friends resulted in my numerous breakdowns. Y? Well, I stuck with that ideology throughout my BCM201. And each and every last failure it brought me felt like a swallowing a heavy lump of lead. Which in turn causes that beating slab of meat in my chest to feel an excess gravitational pull as well. Trust me people, not a very nice feeling to harbor…It’s amazing why I still haven’t quit microbiology.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 14th, 2007 at 8:29 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.