Kouda Mainframe

Found this article on the net: http://www.1pstart.com/student-arrested-for-suspected-terrorist-activity/

It goes:

"A Chinese student has been arrested in Texas, charged with
“Suspected Terrorist Activity”. This student was apprehended after
parents discovered that he had used plans of his High School in the
creation of a map for an online first person shooter. The authorities
were notified after parents learned of the map from their children, who
had downloaded it off of the internet.

“They arrested him,” Chen said of FBISD police, “and
also went to the house to search.” The Lin family consented to the
search, and a hammer was found in the boy’s room, which he used to fix
his bed, because it wasn’t in good shape, Chen said. He indicated
police seized the hammer as a potential weapon.

While no charges have been filed against the student, he has been
removed from Clements High School and will not be allowed to graduate
with his former classmates."

What the hell!? Since when is making a map in 3d considered a "terrorist act"!? And arresting the kid because he had a HAMMER in his room!? A gun, I can understand. A chainsaw, maybe. But, a HAMMER for godsakes~!!! Honestly, some people in the world can be seriously fucked up upstairs. So, what, EVERY single gamer in the world is a terrorist-to-be? And I suppose every single game-MAKER in the world is a terrorist-trainer, then? If that’s the case, then I’m probably considered both. And I’m not even getting paid for it. Deng~!

To all you self-righteous bastards who think games are the harbingers of human doom; Get a life! The most games could do is ruin your grades, and probably break up a relationship. If you’re gonna go around blaming games for terrorist attacks, might as well blame the TV shows for giving ideas. While you’re at it, blame the news for showing the FLAWS in previous terrorist plans. Oh, and blame all lecturers for causing pent up tension in students whenever they give assignments that are just plain ridiculous and give you a friggin B even though you deserve an A…minus…ok, B+, whatever.

THE POINT IS!!!! There are  a lot of variables in the world. A lot of reasons for things to happen. A lot of triggers for disaster to occur. And a lot of targets for you finger-pointers to aim for. So, at the very least, find a LOGICAL reason when you’re gonna arrest someone. "We’re putting you under arrest cuz we have a pretty good hunch" isn’t gonna cut it! If you’re STILL gonna go around doing the "spin the badge and arrest whoever it points to" routine, then might as well arrest them donuts for puttin them cops in slow, one-way road to gut cancer.

P.s:
Check under your beds people. Who knows, them idiots might arrest you for finding a piece of plastic and considering it as "a possible nuclear warhead" or sumthin. I’m no professional, chemist, but, yeah…

rI’m charged with negativity right now, just so you know. A heads up, if you may. Okay, Y’know how people say "if you struggle, you can make it", or "you can do it if you try hard enough". Yea well, I can only say this; Lies, Deceit, Fake Hopes, Stop it…

"If you struggle, you can make it". Why? If you struggle, and you fail, wouldnt it hurt more? If you try and you end up with the same results as when you barely cared, wouldn’t it feel like a huge knife going through your lump of blood and flesh called "heart"?.

I’m sick of it. "You can do it if you try hard enough". Bull…I try. And I can’t count how many times I shed tears for every single failure that followed. Yea, I kinda cried. No shame in that. I know I’m weak. I don’t need people lying to me, saying that I’m not trying hard enough. I’m sick of people comparing me to everyone else. "Look at him. If he can do it, so can you."… … …"Look at her, she’s brilliant. You can be the same if you put enough effort into it".

Everytime I look back at the times I try and failed, it just keep losing more of myself. Today, I actually thought of skipping my microbiology lab’s briefing just so that I could go sulk in some quiet place. All because my Biochem test results were expectedly below my expectations. I tried. I struggled. Maybe not as much as those geniuses, but I actually tried. And frankly, I don’t know why I bothered. I saw it coming. Every single pillar of effort I exerted crumbled down to my feet. I just can’t take it anymore.

Yea, I’m "not giving enough".

I’m "giving up too soon".

I’m "just looking at the bad side".

I "need to stay strong"

Quit it… … …Just stop it. I’m already running low on energy as it is. If I give anymore, I’m afraid I might not be able to wake up one day. That I’ll just be staring at this cycle of crap from the other side. I know, I’m exaggerating. But that’s just how I feel. Overworked, Overstressed and a mountain of failures and dissapointments crushing my shoulders. Everyday, the only thing I watch is how my efforts go down the drain. How my life is becoming just one big question. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? When will these pains go away? How can I go on trying? Where am I going with all this?

My initial thought was that "Learn from your failure and build on it" and "Just because I’ve stopped, doesn’t mean I’ve given up completely". Well…this kind of thinking has brought me a world of stress and dissapointment. Everyone is born with limits. Some breakable, others impenetrable. I’ve just realized this. In this game we call life, I am a mediocre character with walls surrounding my growth. I can only develop so much before hitting an end to it. My evolution in life is restricted and I have to accept that. Stop trying. Stop aiming for that which you can never reach. For that which there’s no point in reaching.

You have your strength, use it. You have your abilities, let it grow. For those irrelevent skills your mind finds incomprehensible, discard then. If the wall is too high to climb, go around it. You still get past it, and you don’t have to be afraid of falling off the wall. It’s not running away, it’s accepting who you are and growing as your body and mind allows it.

Damn….all these lab reports are starting to wear me down. Need to
hand one for Microbio lab tommorow, Biochemistry the next day, and
Physical Chemistry on the day after that. Rinse and repeat for every
week. Geez, this is seriously takin some major time from my game
project. But meh, I gotta suck up to them lecturers if I ever want to
get good grades for my finals. Kekeke.

I friggin got a 8.5/10 for my first Micro lab report. Geez!! Need to
up my game! I WILL get a full grade for the next report!! Hooha!!
Sleep!? Who needs it!!?!? Food is for the weak!! MUHAHAHAHA!! (uh…my
sanity just dropped 10 levels…). Yea, wel. I kinda got my self a new
motto for that; "I’ve given up hoping for the best. But, that doesn’t
mean I’m givin up completely." Ahahaha. At least it’s better than last
sem’s "What’s the point of studying if you know you’re gonna fail!?"
heh (Which ended up in my failing my chem. Deng…).

Ah~! My project’s been makin some good progress these past few weeks.
Added a few battlers and updated the maps every here and there. Still
got more to do though. Meh… just gotta hang in there. Must not fail
my title as a "perfectionist". I’m just gonna be a whore and advertise
about my project thread again. K? Here’s the link~
http://www.rmxp.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1709

What am I?
I am a sin.
A fading light,
A broken wing,
A shattered heart.

I was born,
A soul, slipped from the sky,
My wings rotting,
The gods cursing,
I clutched Hope in my hands.
But Hope is a lie,
Existing only to give drive,
To regret,
To cry.

I ask, What is light?
But a distraction from darkness.
Seek it, you grow blind.
Embrace it, you will burn.

I ask, What is darkness?
A wall for me to hide.
To feel protected,
To escape this false reality.

My hands yearn,
But my arms grow weak.
My Soul aches,
But the lies won’t stop.
My heart cries,
But my wings are no more.

Someone,
Please,
Who am I?

Okay, first entry. Yesterday was shitty. After gettin back in the room, I got all emo and junk. What happened? Meh, I’ll ust give a brief overview of the shyte that I had to go thru;

- da day started with me forgetting to bring azi (a gud fren o mine)’s lab report cover. It’s a good thing that our Organic Chemistry lab lecturer was understanding. Managed to hand in the report  without anymore complications.

- Next on the menu? Da one day I decided to go to BEL class late, da lecturer decides to actually show up. Frick! It’s a good thing I was able to swiftly handle her sarcasms. Yea, well, I got a few saracasms under my sleeves too. What? These sleeves aren’t just to cover up my skinny arms, y’know.

- What else… Ah, our (me n my frens’) plans to go to da mall got friggin messed up! Shakir ("mr. reliable") up n left us without a word. So, we thought he changed his mind about going. I on da other hand, couldn’t make up MY mind on wether to go or not. So, wen azi asked, I blurted out a "no". Smooth~. Yea, wel, we "went our separate ways" after that.

Conveniently, Shakir msged askin me if da mall thing’s still on. So, I mustered up what little stamina i was born with to chase down azi (y’know, to tell her that Shakir still wants to go…sort of). And wel, azi sed dat she didn’t mind, and dat i don’t have to go with her to the mall if I don’t want to.

OH SNAP! Mental conflict! Should I insist to follow her and be a "gentleman", or will that just annoy her since she already sed dat she didn’t mind? Yea, wel, einstein here is introvert, so i just let be and went back to my room (with a huge black cloud of guilt hanging on my head. Which lasted till the late hours in the night.)

Meh…ended up writing another poem…I’m pathetic…>_>

Ah…take note that my being miserable is an extremely rare occurance. So, I tend to savour them moments as much as I can. Heh. I’m such a Sadistic Psycho Bitch.

Do you seek me?
My hands reach as yours do.
Do you need me?
My Soul is burning for trust.

"You are my solace",
Is it true?
The lies I’ve heard cloud my eyes,
The guilt I carry shrouds my heart.

I am without choice,
As I was, as I am,
A wandering Soul.
And then, you came to me.

You lent me your wings,
You shared me your warmth,
And as I smiled at your light,
A rain of tears left my eyes.

My soul questions me,
Asking for reality,
And I said "no".
If this is a dream,
Then I wish only to sleep.

For now, let my soul doubt,
For none of it matters,
Until our bond answers it.